My Clock Can't Make Up Its Mind

I'm 23, a wife of 1 year and 10 months, a homeowner of about 9 months...and I'm afraid to drink the water.

Because everywhere around me, the water seems to contain baby virus. In Sean's family there has been 5 - no wait, 6 babies born in the last year and a half. At work, there are 4 "Welcome Baby" cards pinned to the copy room bulletin board. My supervisor is on maternity leave, our travel agent's manager is on maternity leave. My dance teacher just gave birth, and in my SCA group there's one belly that waddles around, promising to continue their recent baby boom.

I've lost track of the amount of times I've heard "You're next!"

So far I've laughed it off with "I have a cat right now, I'm good."

And those who know my cat, know how much of a baby he is. He loves his mommy, and especially loves occupying my arms when I'm on the laptop. He can be demanding, but at least he doesn't shriek, doesn't wear diapers, and we can leave him home without a babysitter.

Don't get me wrong, I do want to have kids, which is a revelation since I've "grown up". As a child and a teen the idea of birth scared the crap out of me. So I decided that when I got married I would adopt, since there are so many children out there without a home.

But now that I'm older, I realize I want to create a child. I want a miniature blend of Sean and myself. And when I'm around pregnant women or particularly cute children, my heart strings pull and I want one now. But then I see the limitations that children bring. Going out becomes more of an ordeal, your days are planned around naptimes, and your time is no longer your own.
And suddenly the little clock and my heartstrings relax and go back to sleep. One day we'll be ready to have our world revolve around a little one, but right now, we're not done being young and selfish.